Breaking News: The Dethomist Church

The Dethomist Church of Great Britain has today announced that its many years of grappling with the existence of God has culminated in a new theological position. A vote on Monday to change the denomination’s commitment from a belief in the Judaeo-Christian deity was overwhelmingly passed by 243 in favour with 59 against.

“Many of our members and ministers have been troubled by monotheism in recent years. Some have moved towards the position of polytheism”, said Dr Harbottle Grimwick, the principal of the Dethomist College. “Others have been moving closer to atheism”, he continued. It is thought that the denomination’s new position will make Christianity more acceptable to modern Britain, and might stem the church's national decline.

Freedom of conscience clauses mean ministers who wish to believe in God will still be allowed to officiate at Dethomist services and even hold positions of authority within the denomination.

Atheism and polytheism are currently not allowed in the Church of England or the Roman Catholic Church. However, it is thought that many of the liberals in these two major churches will take heart from the brave position adopted by the Dethomists.

Spokespersons from the Unitarians and the Quakers were quick to applaud the decision, and spoke of a new era of friendship and ecumenical partnership.

The Rev Sally Taylor-Outfit, chair of the Theology and Divinity Campaign Group, said it was a "momentous step on the road to truth" after many years of "painful conversations".

"Some of us have been praying for this day to come for decades, and can hardly believe it is now here," she said. "We are so grateful to our fellow Dethomists for taking this courageous step to recognise and affirm the value of theisms other than traditional belief in only one God. There are many religions out there that have several deities, and even one or two that have none at all. I believe that moving away from traditional monotheism will help us all appreciate non-patriarchal and hierarchical forms of living.

"We reassure those who do not support this move that we want to continue to work and worship with you in the Church we all love."

However in an emotional debate, Lawrence Clarkson, a former Chairman of the Dethomist Conference, warned there was a "significant minority" of dethomists who were "planning on leaving or resigning their membership" as a result of the vote to abandon monotheism.

Others responded that, if these die-hard ‘conservatives’ who believe in only one God, remained in the denomination after seventy years of liberalisation and compromise, they will probably remain even after this.