Missing: Episcopal Brains, Integrity & Logic


Need some help negotiating with an angry neighbour? Trying to broker a deal? Attempting to put a square peg in a round hole? Ask your local Anglican bishops for help- they are great at organising the most amazing compromises.

Actually, don’t bother. They only arrive at compromises which both parties reject and despise. These agile men and women have once again demonstrated the shallow depths of their integrity. Last month, they gathered to discuss, again, the performing of same sex weddings in Anglican churches. Baying liberals are demanding full acceptance and recognition; weary evangelicals and traditionalists oppose further compromise. Most wearers of the episcopal mitre are theologically liberal, yet even they can see the difficulties of angering conservatives and further alienating themselves from Rome which remains faithful in this regard. So these prelates have maintained official Church teaching that Holy Matrimony is only between one man and one woman and avoided putting it to a vote. At the same time, they have repudiated a rule from 1991 that says clergy in same-sex relationships must remain celibate. The denomination will also issue an apology for the way it has excluded LGBT+ people, and has decided to offer "prayers of dedication, thanksgiving or for God's blessing" to same-sex couples following a civil marriage or partnership. I have suspected for some time now that the bishops’ mitres have the effect of absorbing juices from the brain, leaving several pockets of air in those consecrated heads. This is their message:

“Marriage is only between one man and one woman. Anything beyond that is wrong. However, if you are in a same sex relationship we would love to bless it in God’s name. And if you a vicar and have sex with another man, it's fine, even though we teach that sex should be within marriage, and that marriage is between one man and one woman.”


“We continue to exclude gay people, but we hereby apologise for excluding gay people.”

You couldn’t make it up. The Church of England is a better parody of the Church of England than anything a comedian could come up with.