When Satan Tempts me to Despair

I was on the bus some days ago when I found myself recollecting my childhood. I was not a pleasant child, and was moved from a home characterised by severity to one characterised by love and kindness. Unfortunately, I took advantage of the latter, and I remembered the various things I got up to. I found myself experiencing feelings of melancholia and remorse. It would be tempting to dismiss my actions and the natural petulance of youth, but this merely excuses it. Children are to honour those who raise them, and I felt acutely ashamed of my conduct, unable to properly apologise to the one I wronged.

Was it the Holy Spirit convicting me of unconfessed sin? Possibly, though I have confessed it already. Was it my ill-functioning conscience kicking in, bringing to mind decades-old misdemeanours while conveniently forgetting the sins of the hour? Perhaps. Or was it Satan himself, the accuser of the brethren, pointing out my failure to live up to Christ’s call and the poor record I leave in my wake?

Thankfully, the bus was passing Rylstone in the Dales, and I beheld the large cross on the hillside, reflecting the sunlight. Yes, my sin is enormous, but His grace is far greater. My criminal record is long and repetitive, but His mercy is patient and longsuffering. When the Holy Spirit convicts, He does it so that we might return to the Cross. When our own conscience or the Accuser reminds us of our sin and past offences, we must always run straight to Calvary, and point to Him who bled that we might be forgiven. 

“So when the devil throws your sins in your face and declares that you deserve death and hell, tell him this: "I admit that I deserve death and hell, what of it? For I know One who suffered and made satisfaction on my behalf. His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, and where He is there I shall be also!”

-Martin Luther

When Satan tempts me to despair,

and tells me of the guilt within,

upward I look and see Him there

who made an end of all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,

my sinful soul is counted free;

for God the Just is satisfied

to look on Him and pardon me;

to look on Him and pardon me.

-Charitie Bancroft